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Tuesday, April 17, 2018

GOOD MOM, BAD MOM


I still pack my 13 year old sons lunch. Am I a good mom or a bad mom? 
Today it was 2 oranges, 2 rice krispy squares, nacho chips and grapes. Good mom or bad mom? 

I don't know what high school and or college he will go to. Good mom or bad mom? He feels comfortable talking to me about anything. Good  mom or bad mom?  

 He didn't go to see a dentist for 5 years. Good mom or bad mom? When he went, the dentist said he had a great set of teeth with no cavities. Good mom or bad mom?

 I call him "khloe" to get him to cut his nails when they get too long. Good or bad mom? He has a sarcastic (but hilarious) sense of humor. Good mom or bad mom?

I can't list the projects he's working on for school right now. Good or bad mom? I can list the projects he's working on with his friends out of school: painting, acting and organizing a summer camp for kids. Good mom or bad mom?



 I felt compelled to share a few of these tidbits with you all, just to see if i'm alone in thinking: as a parent, I don't know what I'm doing 50% of the time. I am just doing my best. I love him with all of my heart, I encourage him to spend time doing things he loves, including video games. I support him in his interests and celebrate his victories. I take care of him and try to find a balance between raising a self sufficient young man and a caring individual. Isn't that we are all trying to do as parents? It is so hard to not compare his path to the paths of others, but the truth is, I think we all do it. The parents of the child who is enrolled in 3 different team sports, singing in the church choir, and running for class president are looking at the parents of the child who is super respectful, responsible and socially intellectual wondering if they are not providing the right opportunities.  Right? At least I hope so. 

I'm so grateful for the handful of moms that I have in my life that do not judge me. It's kind of a pact that we've formed without actually verbally hammering out the details. Shout out to my mom and my sisters who have endured parenting multiple children, a task I seriously don't think I was cut out for.

The next thing I need to work on is how I react to other parents talking about their kids with pride. In my head I'm waiting for my opening and preparing my amazing list of things that Max is doing with his life as well. I always end up doing one of two things, changing the subject or spewing out his credentials like I'm filling out his first dating app profile.

Random parent after sharing all the things that their child has been up to: "So how's Max doing?"

Me: "Did you watch Blackish last week?"

or 

Me: "He's doing great! He just uploaded another video to his youtube channel,  he's going to Starbucks by himself now, he's been to all the museums in the LA area, he likes to hike and he's such a caring person! I'm so proud of him, did I mention he knows how to order his own Starbuck drink? I mean, there's no ice and extra strawberries soooo...."

I can't change who I am, but I can change how I manage things. Remember when you brought your baby home from the hospital and worried about dropping him/her? Well, 13 years into it, I still worry about dropping Max, does that make sense? 

Also, when he was a toddler, I cut the feet off his onesies so that he got more wear out of them.

Thanks for reading,

Nikki
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Wednesday, April 4, 2018

DO YOU FEEL GUILTY SAYING "NO"?

GUYS, we've all been there. You have no specific plans this weekend and you are looking forward to sitting in your sweats in front of the TV with your phone in your hand, ready to peruse social media during the commercials. 
And then your friend texts you. "Hey what are you doing on Friday?" Girl, issa trap! Instead of your friend being straightforward and saying: "I'm going to a 3 hour yoga class and would like you to come" or " I'm going shopping at the outlet mall 3 hrs from here and thought you'd like to come". They simply ask " Do you have plans?". You then have to ask yourself the hard question. Do I roll the dice and say "I have no plans" or do you lie and say "I have plans" or tell the honest truth which is "My only plans are to have an evening in doing nothing".  Here's my advice to you. If you feel pressured and answer "I have no plans" Please be open to whatever is going down on
Friday night. It may be a fancy 5 star dinner at that new joint that everyone's been talking about, or it may be driving a friend to the airport... in Long Beach.


You have to take responsibility for not being real with your friends, which takes me to option two: Lying and saying you have plans when indeed you don't. This option will NEVER turn out well (I've heard..wink) No matter what lie you come up with on the spot, it will come back around. For example,
You: "I have plans"
Friend: "Oh? what are you doing?"
You: "I..I, I told my mom I would help her organize the kitchen cupboards."
Friend: "You can't get out of it"?
You:"No, she's been wanting to do it for a while and I keep saying no"
Friend:"That's too bad, you're so sweet for helping your mom. Drake's hosting my husbands birthday party and I wanted you to come. We're going to the spa first for hair and makeup. But it's ok, I'll ask *insert that one friends name that you never liked here*"
Then cut to your Mom running into your friend and them having a conversation about how you're planning on organizing the kitchen cupboards on Friday. Just throw the whole night away.

 The last option, is the best option. HONESTY.
You: "I have plans on doing nothing but relaxing."


Period, no explanation on how tired you are, or how little time you have for yourself. Just "no". Try it! It's also a great way to socially clean house, as the real friends always understand and are confident enough to know there is no secret plot to NOT hang out with them. Does this mean you'll never find yourself in a not so great situation because you said 'Yes? Absolutely not, that's just part of life, but the sweet spot is in the balance.

When you pour that glass of wine, kick back, open Instagram and see what everyone else is up to.

Thanks for reading,
Nikki Pin It