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Friday, December 10, 2010


Sitting here in my family's old, but new, 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment thinking about our move from T.O. to L.A.  Looking around at all the "guilt free" (heavy on the free) things we've accumulated over the last 6 months of us being here.  

Feeling a PULL in my soul. 

The same pull that I have felt everyday since my husband and I sat down over "Monday night sushi", looked into to each others eyes and made the decision to not renew the lease on our 19th floor condo.  In the course of my adult life, I'd never found myself attached to objects or things, learning early on about the joy and excitement that change can bring. Until now, I was more attached to that, than anything else.  

So now I'm feeling that pull and questioning what it is.

Is it that I miss my friends? The friends that I envision carrying on their lives filled with endless intimate moments sharing cocktails in some hot new lounge. Laughing and throwing their heads back as they decide what to order?
Or am I just missing my family, and being involved in their heated discussions about Obama's grossly unfair treatment as they wipe their ackee and saltfish plates clean with fresh hot dumplings?
No, it's not.
Because getting friends together for drinks was an always amazing, but rare occurrence. And never without someone complaining about the service.  And let's face it, at family breakfasts, I was always more interested in the coffee than talk of the "tea party".

So this pull, this PULL.

Even in my saddest of moments, I've noticed beauty around me. 
In my son, who despite my endless worrying, has adjusted alarmingly well and has a firm handle on his feelings. Riding out each one with bravery and humor.
In my husband, who gets up every day and passionately pursues the dream that brought is here in the first place.
In strangers and new friends, all of whom have shared their own stories, good and bad.
I think this pull I've been feeling is towards greatness.
This PULL?
I think it used to be a PUSH. A push from the very people I miss dearly and think about everyday.  They've been gently, intuitively even, pushing me towards a more fulfilling life. And now that we've removed ourselves from our very comfortable, and sometimes complacent, life in the city...fate has taken over and I am being pulled towards my new happiness.
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